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しろが消えていく。

white fades away

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Ever since my youth,

my father has always said to me

"You have to become so happy that no one can deny you're happy."

I always felt a sense of comfort, and discomfort, in those words.

On the day of my sister's wedding he said

"Now, I am one step closer to happiness, and no one can deny it."

In other words,

"Once all my children have gotten married, everyone will see me as happy."

In this moment, my feelings of confusion were finally clear. 

I finally understood the discomfort that in some way

my every action was tied into completing my father's "happiness."

I know not all his thoughts and words are not completely wrong.

But still I can't help but feel my heart revolt when he says 

"Do it for me." 

I sewed these words onto this dress to clear my mind. 

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White Fades Away.

Performance in Chicago, NY, and Berlin. 

May to September, 2016.

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Upon returning to my native Kumamoto,

within the proximity of my father,

I felt the process and production of my works go in the opposite direction of what I'd hoped for.

My thoughts became very cloudy, even to the point of it becoming a painful lump in my head.

I decided to, once again, put some distance between us,

and headed far beyond Tokyo. This time I would go abroad.

On my search to find a new home.

I would make a "new entry" on my dress with a needle and colorful thread.

The whiteness began to fade. My thoughts ran deeper and deeper. 

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White Fades Away. Wakayama Shirahama

Installation

Performance in Hotel Kawakyu

May to June, 2022.

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